Author: spaige08

  • Physical Turmoil vs. Mental Turmoil

    Baltimore, MD.  A beautiful city that I’ve been to many times.  It is also the scene of mass chaos currently.  Void of all facts, I’ll summarize the essentials.  A 25 year old black man was violently killed by a white cop, snapping his spine.  A brawl ensues of black rights…

  • My Daughter, My Wise Fairy

    My husband and I went Team Green when I was pregnant back in 2006.  This meant that our child’s sex was unknown to us until birth and yes, we wanted it that way.  Yes, this also means we had quite a bit of clothing colored yellow and green.  We were…

  • Dependency

    I do not like being dependent on a little pill.  I like being in control of everything.  I’m an Alpha personality, something I didn’t realize until in the hospital for Postpartum Depression.  I have perfection tendencies.  Both these things are extremely damaging to my psyche.  After Sophia was born, it…

  • Under Your Spell

    I’m having a rough day and am unsure why.  There has been no triggering factor.  I just woke up feeling undeserving of love, once again beating myself up.  It inspired a little poetry writing which has been dormant for over a decade Under Your Spellby: Stephanie Paige Fake smiles, forced…

  • I’m Okay, Really I Am… Am I?

    I wasn’t planning on writing a blog post today as I’ve been okay, really I have.  At least, I think I have… My place of employment is having a food and diaper drive this month.  I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to finally get rid of all the…

  • Triggers… And I Don’t Mean Guns

    Triggers… We all have something in our lives that will cause stress, tension, anxiety… What happens when your biggest trigger are the people you love the most, your child(ren)?  What happens when looking at them makes you want to vomit?  What happens when even hearing them suffer from a cold…

  • The Guilt

    I used to think I carried around this never ending guilty feeling because of the stereotype about Jewish moms and guilt.  I have thought about the guilt so much and have read enough articles concerning Depression lately to know that this guilt is not because I’m Jewish but in turn…

  • Turning My Life Into A Book

    I should’ve titled this, “Petrified, In Need of Confidence”! Last year after one of my good friends published her first book I started to think about writing myself.  I had a remarkable talent for it when I was younger.  I was actually in Creative Writing Talent at my Junior High,…

  • Happy 3rd Birthday Tyler!!! (Letting Go…)

    My Little Boy, Today you turn 3.  I used to dwell on all the things that went wrong, blaming myself for everything and ultimately living in the past.  But, beating myself up is not something that should be done on a happy occasion such as your 3rd Birthday.  Instead, I…

  • “Happy” Me vs. The Real Me

    I’ve just read this great blog entry from the Project Helping Founder and CEO.  Everything he wrote in it was so familiar it was absolutely scary. Here is the blog post.  I encourage you to read it: Running From Myself  http://www.elephantjournal.com/2015/03/running-from-myself/ The premise of the blog post is the constant…