I should’ve titled this, “Petrified, In Need of Confidence”!
Last year after one of my good friends published her first book I started to think about writing myself. I had a remarkable talent for it when I was younger. I was actually in Creative Writing Talent at my Junior High, had a poem published in high school, and turned the sport of bowling into a semi erotic poem in a college class. So, why the lack of confidence?
I feel as if when the real world set in (job, marriage, child), adulthood, the creative part of my brain sold its living space and found a new host. I used to write stories, poems, digiscrap, do crafts… Now, there is an empty spot in my brain that says, “VACATED, SPACE FOR RENT” and it has been that way for years.
So, as I was saying, my good friend wrote a book and it got me thinking, not creatively (remember, that part left) but logically… I used to write. I’ve always wanted to publish a book and lastly, what I’ve been taught through the years, write what you know.
What do I know? I’m a pretty ordinary person. I have a daughter. I can write about her. No, nope, been done before. I work. I can write about that. Who wants to read a book about me working?! I suffered from Depression and Anxiety since age 14… BINGO!
I started writing. Jumping around from one bout of Depression to the next and then stopped. Why did I stop? I once again fell victim (Great, more ammo for my book).
Recently I’ve started to write my book again. It has a working title the same as my blog, “Rising From The Ashes: My 20+ Year Battle With Depression And Anxiety”. I am nowhere near done with my first manuscript. Baby steps. But, I’ve started.
So why am I lacking confidence? I’m scared no one will read it. Who cares about some 30 something’s battle with mental illness? I’m scared my creative writing ability will not move back in and remove the vacate sign. I’m scared it will be used against me.
Yet, I am still writing it. I’m writing it for those who suffer like I did and remain in silence. I write for professionals to get a first-hand look into a patient. I write for myself.