My Daughter, My Wise Fairy

My husband and I went Team Green when I was pregnant back in 2006.  This meant that our child’s sex was unknown to us until birth and yes, we wanted it that way.  Yes, this also means we had quite a bit of clothing colored yellow and green.  We were very quick in chosing the name if our child was a boy… Evan William.  Evan was after my Great Uncle and William after my paternal Grandfather.

We were utterly stuck on a girl’s name for months.  Being Jewish of the Ashkenazi descent, we name after the dead.  Jimmy and I had focused in on naming after my Grandmothers.  Faye was automatically chosen as a middle name.  We had S to work with for a first name.  It wasn’t until we were watching an old teen drama and they said Sophie that it clicked.  Sophia Faye for a girl.

On October 16th, 2006 my Sophia Faye was born.  She didn’t know at that age how much she would see her mother suffer nor did she realize how much she would grow into her name… Sophia Faye…  meaning “Wise Fairy”.

Fast forward almost 9 years.  My beautiful daughter has had her heart broken by me, her mother because of my Mental Illness.  She was given a younger brother only to have him torn away because of me.  She has cried.  She has gotten angry.  And, she has forgiven me.  She has seen her mother become narotic, having delusional thoughts, dry heaving, crying and yelling at her father to take her away and start a new life.  And she has forgiven me.

At 8 1/2 she understands Mental Illness more than most adults do.  She knows Mommy is sick, getting better, but will always be sick.  She understands that what I say when Depression shows its ugly face, is false.  She comprehends that I hated her when I suffered from Postpartum Depression, that I blamed her for it. And she still loves me.  She knows Mommy has to give up some time with her now to get better, whether it is for therapy or “Me Time”.  And she doesn’t hate me.

At 8 1/2, she wanted to give me her money for my Climb for Postpartum Progress this June.  She dug into her My Little Pony wallet and handed me $2, all her cash, because she knew how important the cause was.  She knew it would go to other mothers who are like her own mother. 

This little girl is wise beyond her years.  She is a Wise Fairy and this Wise Fairy is one of my biggest supporters.  I am so grateful to have her as my child.  I love her to infinity and beyond!

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