I’m having a rough day and am unsure why.  There has been no triggering factor.  I just woke up feeling undeserving of love, once again beating myself up.  It inspired a little poetry writing which has been dormant for over a decade

Under Your Spell
by: Stephanie Paige

Fake smiles, forced grin,
Hides the Depression within,
Rapid breaths, pulsing heartbeats,
Drowning in air,
Undeserving and hopeless, void of love,
Hard to concentrate,
Strong grip, suffocating,
Over and over… Infinite,
Increasing hurt, heart breaks,
Need an escape,
Trying to climb, to break free,
Return to myself,
Hold too intense, pressure grows,
Wanting to be loved, not knowing I am,
Cannot think, going under,
Is Death laughing?
Racing ideas, rid myself of this pain,
Soured dreams go unnoticed,
Regression, not well,
Struggling to find me,
Still climbing, will not forfeit,
Been under your spell before,
Positive thoughts, intensely hard,
I am again a warrior… A survivor!