Author: spaige08

  • Making Amends… I’m Sorry…

    Last night I had a dream.  Actually, I was deep into this dream when my alarm clock went off at 7am this morning… …Wake up, don’t sleep your life away… Normally, I will gladly wake up but today I didn’t want to get out of bed.  I didn’t want to…

  • The Thinker

    I’ve come to the realization that when suffering from Depression I become The Thinker.  My mind races between a million different thoughts… … Did I pack my lunch? What do I do if I didn’t?… … Did I pack Sophia’s lunch? Oh my god, what if I didn’t? What is…

  • Admitting I’m Certifiably Crazy

    My first hospital stay started November 16th, 2006, exactly one month after the birth of my daughter.  Although I needed to admit myself to short term psych it was extremely hard for me to come to the conclusion that I was being hospitalized in a psych ward… It was hard…

  • Mommy Is Not Going To Kill Herself

    Recently Sophia has forced me to listen to a popular local radio station.  Normally, I enjoy what I call classic rock (or 80s rock which makes me feel old now that it’s called ‘classic’).  I gave in to her request being that her recital songs play on this station and…

  • Less Of A Mother

    I am a blessed mother of one, an only child.  She’s growing into such a young lady.  Sophia is kind, loving, strong willed and stubborn (like her mom). She’s also amazingly talented in the arts (my lefty!).  And at 5 she was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder.  So yes, my…

  • When the Joy Fades…

    When my beautiful baby girl was born, I felt euphoric from the second I pushed her shoulders out.  I had never been so happy.  To know this little baby was all mine.  She was all I ever wanted since I was a child playing house with my dearest friend.  I…

  • Yesterday…

    Jimmy and I took a big step.  After asking Sophia how she would feel, we finally opened the door to Tyler’s old room.  This door has remained closed since he left on January 2nd.  At first it remained shut for me.  I was far too emotionally unstable and cried at…

  • My Dearest Tyler

    I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I cannot be your Mommy.  I’m sorry I disrupted your life for a few months and gave you false hope of being part of our family.  Please know it is nothing you did. You were my little boy, the second child I always wanted.  You…

  • I Am A True Believer…

    … in exercise as medicine for both Anxiety and Depression.  I have many friends who agree and many who disagree.  I think for those that disagree it is a matter of finding that 1 particular form of exercise that you absolutely LOVE. It wasn’t easy for me to find it.…

  • Almost A Week Ago…

    …I went 8 years back in time.  I admitted myself to short term psych at the hospital.  This was not an easy decision and now being out with a clear head I know it was the best for me. This bout of Depression and Anxiety has crippled me.  The amount…