Category: funny

True Crime Tuesdays – “Father Of The Year Goes To…”

On By spaige08In crime, criminals, death, funny, humor, murder, true crime, True Crime Tuesdays, Uncategorized, writingLeave a comment

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As we are approaching Father’s Day, I thought I would focus this True Crime Tuesday on dads. These two fathers should win ‘Father of the Year’. They are cordial, nice, and down right evil. How could a father kill their child?! So without further ado, ‘Father of the Year’ goes to:

Dad: Robert Wood, 1999

Robert was the father to six children. Of importance to this award is his son, Christopher. Christopher was 11 when he died. This all started with a fire at their house. Robert decided that instead of doing the right thing by calling the police or the fire department, he would call his insurance company.

Money fueled this man. He lived beyond his means and stole money from his place of employment even after pulling a $100,000 salary. He was told his house was too extravagant for the area. So, of course, why not burn it down and collect? Right?

He later told authorities that Christopher should have been home as he had not left for school yet. Yet, authorities could not find Christopher in the rubble. Police began to suspect Robert of both the fire and the disappearance of his son. They soon found out that Robert had taken out a $60,000 life insurance policy on Christopher. This is when they dug deep into Robert’s digital trail. It turns out that Robert was not where he claimed to be at the time of the fire. His phone put him elsewhere.

Police went to that location and discovered Christopher’s body in the snow, after being reported by a road grater operator. His shoes were found to be on the wrong feet and he was covered in vomit. This vomit was also present in Robert’s vehicle.

Everything just pointed to Robert. He was soon arrested for first degree murder and first degree arson.

I would love to tell you that he is rotting in prison like he should be, but unfortunately, Robert died by suicide a few months after being arrested.

This story can be seen on Forensic Files, Season 10, Episode 12… Cereal Killer.

Our next award goes to…

Dad: Karl Karlsen, 2008

Tragedy followed Karl. He lost his first wife in a house fire. He lost several horses when his barn went up in flames. And, he lost his son Levi after a car fell on him that he was working on. Through it all he acquired tremendous amounts of sympathy… and money!

To truly understand just how evil Karl is, we need to go back to the beginning and the loss of his first wife, Christina. Mr. Karlsen spun a series of unnatural events to authorities that they began to question if this death was actually an accident. It all started with the breaking of a bathroom window, by Christina (or so we are told to believe). The window was then boarded up… not from the outside, but the inside. Christina had decided to take a bath with a jug of kerosene outside the bathroom that she thought was water (yup, because they smell and look the same, right?). Then, the dog came and knocked over the kerosene. Karl had then placed a defective light right next to the kerosene. A fire ensued. Since the window was boarded up, Christina had no where to go and perished in the flames.

Karl inherited $200,000 off a life insurance policy he bought for Christina 20 days before her death.

Well, a husband who just lost his wife and is raising 3 kids on his own naturally attracts the compassion of women. Soon he married his second wife, Cindy.

In 2002, a fire broke out in Karlsen’s horse barn. He collected $150,000 from a insurance policy he bumped up just 18 days earlier. All this after removing custom harness’ days before the fire.

But the cruelest thing he has done is killing his own son. Levi and his dad did not have the best of relationships. They had finally begun to remedy this when Levi passes away. Karl had hoisted a heavy truck on a very wobbly jack for Levi to work on. Levi was crushed by the car he was working on in a barn on the property of his dad’s horse farm. This occurred on the very day Levi had just signed over all his worldly possessions to his father. Karl, just paying over $400 for a month of a life insurance policy on his son, inherited $700,000.

Cindy began to question just how many tragedies could befall one man after the death of Levi. In a twist of events, she went undercover for the police to catch Karl. Although horrifically scared, she succeeded in getting information the police needed to put Karl away.

Karl pled guilty to the 2nd degree murder of his son, Levi, and was sentenced to 15 years (hardly enough). In a great turn of events, he was sentenced to life in prison without the possibility of parole for the killing of his first wife.

Dad

Hug your fathers this Father’s Day and be happy they are not one of these two!

A Perfect 300

On By spaige08In funny, humor, poetry, Uncategorized, writingLeave a comment
Photo by Sharon Ang via Pixabay.com

In college, I took a poetry class. Every week we had to write poetry based on something. I do not remember the prompt given at the time, but the poem below happened.

‘A Perfect 300’ is the highest score you can obtain in bowling. I have never gotten one, but at the time I worked in the campus bowling alley and would get pretty close. Now I bowl like I am a kid, I need bumpers to get anywhere close to 100.

Here is the poem that formed in my head 20 years ago:

A Perfect 300

S-T-R-I-K-E!

The pins fall and I am putty to this game-

When your roundness returns

I slip my fingers within your

Pefectly cut slits-

My other hand caresses you and sets you up-

This is your next attempt

At a perfect score-

My right and left feet move in rhythm-

As I glide across the waxed surface

And await your climaxing response-

S-T-R-I-K-E!

That is the lucious sound I like to hear-

When you hit the precise spot

And I smile with childlike innocence-

My content coming from you-

Again, you return-

This time I rub you against the flannel fabric

And make sure you are nice and slick

Ready for your next try

At giving me sheer elation and euphoria-

I stare at the nude color of your goal-

The pocket as to which you are to enter

“One more time, baby,” I whisper-

S-T-R-I-K-E!

You enter smoothly where we aimed-

You barely touching the bulging white rod

Wiggling with gaiety

You swerve and make sure all ten are down-

When you return

Your holes are bare

And we are both relieved-

It is our glory that is celebrated

With you making a bond with me-

As we pack and leave

with a perfect 300-

*copyright 2000 Stephanie Paige*

So, if you read some sexual connotation in this poem, you are absolutely correct. I took bowling and used it as a metaphor for sex. Hey, I was a college student, of course sex was on my mind. I hope you found it somewhat humorous as well.

Thanks for reading!

Move Over CVS, There is a New Competitor in Town

On By spaige08In anxiety, depression, funny, humor, medication, mental health, mental health awareness, mental illness, Uncategorized, writingLeave a comment

It is not a shock that I was laid-off due to Covid-19. I am one among thousands who were. This lay-off, though, has led to an interesting learning experience about medical insurance and medication. This will be a two-part blog series as there is a side story that I will twist with humor concerning GoodRx.

I have spoken at great length about my extensive history with mental illness (yes, Stephanie, we know already!). I have been on various medications throughout these last 22 years (I didn’t start meds until I was 18). After two decades, my body said nope, not anymore to the antidepressant, Lexapro. This drug worked so well until it didn’t. I was not sad to see it go. Since I was put on every known SSRI*, my psychiatrist recommended switching to an SNRI*.

So here I am, newly unemployed and feeling highly depressed, inadequate, and self-loathing. I have a telehealth session with my psychiatrist the beginning of May. She sends my scripts to Express Scripts, the online pharmacy that I was using with my now former job. I’m thinking that things will go as normal as the company paid for two months of COBRA*.

Boy was I wrong!

I thought it very funny that I never received a text that the drugs shipped. Of course, because I am now over 40, I did not recognize this until a week and a half later. I am filling my pill container and gasped when I realized I was in dire need of my SNRI, the generic version of Cymbalta. I was beginning to run low on my 100mg lamotrigine as well. The latter helps me with the cyclical nature of my depression (I do not have bipolar disorder, I lack the mania aspect).

“Shit! Shit! Shit!”

Anyone who has ever been on an antidepressant knows that it is really bad to go off of them cold turkey. Depression symptoms can quickly elevate and worsen. You are also at a higher risk of suicide. Now you understand my profanity.

I quickly log on to Express Scripts to see where these prescriptions that my psychiatrist ordered two weeks ago are. What do I see for each and every one of them? CANCELED. Um, what?! I am now panicking. I only have a week left of the Cymbalta. This is not good.

I call Express Scripts.

The nice lady on the phone tells me that she sees the five prescriptions as canceled but cannot tell me why. I explain to her my dire situation. She is of no help. She notices I have a refill left on the lamotrigine 100mg and says she can put that through but because that script technically expired she has to notify my doctor. I explain to her that I really need the Cymbalta more, that I was laid-off, and only have insurance through mid-June. She checks my account and says, it is showing me you have no insurance coverage.

What?! Wait, did I miss something in the awfully confusing COBRA paperwork?! Of course, I did. One needs a lawyer to fully decipher that thing.

I hang up with this ‘delightful’ lady as she works diligently contacting my doctor’s office to fill the expired refill. This is the 3rd full week in May (take note of this date, it is necessary for the end of this post). I need to also mention that my psychiatrist is now out on maternity leave (ugh, I see Murphy’s Law is in play).

As if talking with Express Scripts wasn’t enough, I now decided to contact COBRA. A different ‘delightful’ woman looks into my file and tells me, wait for it, you never elected coverage. You are not insured. What?! The letter I received from my now-defunct job said I was covered for two months! I am so confused and rapidly falling into an anxiety spiral. I am trying to explain this to her and we ultimately go back and forth between “You are not insured. You needed to elect to be covered” and “But my job sent me a letter saying I was insured.” Ultimately, I lost the battle.

Okay, Stephanie, let’s regroup. You are not insured. Your psychiatrist is out on maternity leave. All of your Express Scripts prescriptions have been canceled. And, most importantly, you now have five days left on your antidepressant. FUCK!

I quickly call the doctor’s office and explain to the receptionist what happened. Her voice tells me she isn’t quite convinced of my story. I’m gathering her first instinct is that I am a patient dying to get my hands on some good ‘stuff’. Yes, that is definitely it… Cymbalta, Gabapentin, Lamotrigine, and Trazodone. Those are definitely drugs I can get high off of and sell on the street for some mad dough (note sarcasm, none of them are). I am on the verge of tears about the Cymbalta. She informs me that she will have another doctor send it in. I have her send it to a local grocery store pharmacy where it is cheaper. Remember, not employed, GoodRx to the rescue (or are they?)!

I will avoid telling my twisted tale concerning GoodRx until my next blog post. We will just say that all my prescriptions were filled on time. I now have at home over 120 pills of Trazodone, Lamitrigene 25mg, and Gabapentin. My prescriptions are for 90 days. The pharmacist doesn’t even bother putting my Cymbalta tabs in another bottle. I receive the original bottle the pharmacist received. I am a at around 100 pills for the Lamitrigene 100mg.

So I am well stocked for the next few months.

Then, my husband finally adds my daughter and me to his insurance. I meet with my psychiatrist over the internet once again at the end of July. She already has my new insurance. She automatically sends my prescriptions into CVS. I hadn’t realized she had done this until I received a text from CVS letting me know my prescriptions are ready. I go to the CVS I think they were called in to pick them up. Nope, not that one. They were put into the one near my former employment. Because I know myself, I knew that passing by would be very emotionally triggering for me. I went online and had them mail them to me for free.

So if you are doing the math right, here are the current totals (remember two months have gone by):

  • Cymbalta: Around 120 capsules
  • Lamotrigine 100mg: Around 120 tablets
  • Lamotrigine 25mg: About 320 tablets (I take 2/day and had plenty to start)
  • Trazodone: Around 120 tablets
  • Gabapentin: Around 120 capsules

Too many, right?! Well, remember when I told you to keep the 3rd week in May in mind? The time the ‘delightful’ lady from Express Scripts was going to contact my doctor to fill the expired prescription? Yeah, I almost didn’t either.

Guess what showed up last week… that prescription. Only 3 months late! Add another 90 tablets of Lamotrigine 100mg to my list.

I can now put CVS out of business!

*SSRI is a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor which increases the amount of serotonin your brain produces. To note, serotonin is mass-produced in your gut but this serotonin does not travel into the brain.

*SNRI is a serotonin-norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor. As you probably has guess this class of drug not only increases your brain serotonin levels but also your norepinephrine levels. Both help you to feel happy.

*COBRA is a confusing and expensive way to continue your health benefits after you have been let-go or fired. Really, don’t use it unless you really need to, and then there are still cheaper options out there.

True Crime Tuesday – “Just One Bite”

On By spaige08In Advocacy, crime, criminals, death, funny, humor, murder, silly, true crime, True Crime Tuesdays, Uncategorized, writingLeave a comment

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I watch Forensic Files to fall asleep. Most people read or listen to soft music. I need the sound of Peter Thomas narrating to lull me into slumber. Although, he is no Keith Morrison. Anyway, a few days ago as I binged watched Forensic Files for the umpteenth time, I came across an episode that piqued my interest not for the dumb criminal… but to turn the tables… the senseless jury and several law enforcement members. This is Season 8, Episode 7, “Once Bitten”.

The crime is horrific. In Phoenix, AZ in 1991, a lovely vivacious bar tender, 35-year-old Kim Ancona, is stabbed and brutally murdered and left in the back storeroom of the bar she was employed at. The bar owner finds her the next morning and immediately calls 911. The cops are doing their detective work and asking the owner and fellow employees who could have committed this crime. A few of the employees suggest frequent bar patron, Ray Krone. Many of them found him odd. Kim found him attractive and according to her friends, wanted to start a romance with him. Because of this Ray climbs the suspect ladder.

What ultimately seals his fate is a bite mark found on Kim’s body. The bite mark clearly shows a snaggletooth on the top front teeth. They notice that Ray has a snaggletooth after obtaining his bite impression, His blood type (Type O) is found to be the same as the blood found on Kim’s jeans. They also find dark hairs on Kim’s body and assume they are Ray’s even though they are Mongoloid and Ray is Caucasian. Remember, 1991 is before we had more in depth DNA testing. He must be the guy, right?! I forgot to mention, the police found a footprint at the scene. Men’s size 9.5. Ray, poor Ray, wears a 10.5 shoe. But he did it. We know he did. Because the cops said so.

Ray is quickly arrested and brought to trial.

Although his shoe size is bigger than what is found at the scene, the hair is Mongoloid and he has a solid alibi (I forgot to mention that too), Ray is found guilty because the solitary Forensic Odontologist the prosecution puts on the stand, Dr. Raymond Rawson, says without doubt, 100%, the bite mark is Ray Krone’s.

As a side note, in the episode, they show the bite mark and show Ray Krone’s bite mark on top of it several times. Even I can tell they aren’t a perfect match ignoring the snaggletooth. The original bite mark was wider than Ray’s set of teeth.

Ray is sentenced to death in 1992. He is granted a 2nd trial in 1996. This time the defense puts 3 other Forensic Odontologists on the stand who all agree that this infamous bite more is NOT Ray Krone’s. The prosecution, once again, puts Dr. Rawson on the stand who is still sticking by his first testimony that it is totally Mr. Krone’s. So, you would think with 3 other Forensic Odontologists refuting Dr. Rawson that Ray would be cleared of the crime, that reasonable doubt about the stupid bite mark would be found…

… Nope. Once again, this second jury finds him guilty and he returns to death row.

Ray educates himself in law while he is there trying to find some way of exonerating himself. The only evidence that has sentenced him to death is a bite mark that isn’t his. Ray’s luck turns around when Arizona, in 2001, created a new law that gave convicted felons access to the evidence in their cases as long as they continue to say they are innocent (frankly, doesn’t everyone claim innocence?!).

Ray has the evidence in his hands and time on his side because in the last 9 years, there have been tremendous advancements in DNA. He and his lawyers request DNA testing of the blood found on Kim’s jeans. The results come back…

… it is not Ray Krone’s! (I know, shocking, right?!)

There is a hit on the DNA to a man named Kenneth Phillips. Kenneth is of Native American descent (Mongoloid), wears a size 9.5 shoe and also has a snaggletooth. Oh, and at the time he lived 600 yards from the bar. Kenneth, a repeated violent sex offender & child molester (a real winner here), claimed he committed this crime while in a drunken black out. He said during interrogation, that he woke up with, literally, blood on his hands. Instead of going to the police, he just ignored it.

Ten years after Ray Krone was sentenced to death, he is released on April 8, 2002.

It is said that there was enough evidence back in 1991 to have put Kenneth Phillips on police’s radar for this crime, but they and prosecution members just ignored it and continued to pursue Ray Krone.

Ray Krone didn’t let his 10 years on death row after being innocent die down. In 2005, he sued the City of Phoenix and Maricopa County (and rightly so). He was awarded $3,000,000 and $1,400,000 respectively. He has become a huge activist in abolishing the death penalty and is the Director of Membership and Training for Witness to Innocence, a non-profit dedicated to ending the death penalty.

And Ray got his snaggletooth fixed.

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Moral of the story: Never judge a bite by its snaggletooth or sometimes it isn’t the criminal who is stupid.

True Crime Tuesdays – “What a Great Idea for a Novel!”

On By spaige08In crime, criminals, death, funny, humor, silly, true crime, True Crime Tuesdays, Uncategorized, writingLeave a comment

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Some criminals just stay with you. The first criminal I was introduced to was Jeffrey Dahmer. I don’t remember what I was watching but my father told me all about him. I think I was about 12 at the time. His acts were heinous. Killing young men, raping them and having them for dinner. I always wondered if Silence of the Lambs was based on him. Even at that tender age, instead of this disgusting me, Dahmer fascinated me. He has stuck with me since.

And so has Maryann Castorena.

No, she is not anything like Jeffrey Dahmer, but her stupidity is so remarkable I can’t stop thinking about her. I first saw her on Snapped, Season 17, Episode 3. I think my mind was a ball of confusion after the episode was over. I am not sure what she was thinking with her defense, but like I stated, her story (oh, what a story it is!) has adhered itself to some part of my brain, leeching on and not letting go.

Maryann met and started dating a man named Jose Hernandez back in 2005. Love was in the air that they moved in together. At the heart of this story is greed (isn’t it always?!). In 2012, Jose, so infatuated with Maryann, took out a $750,000 life insurance policy. He took this policy out at the insurance company Maryann worked at (convenient, right?!). At the time he put his niece as the beneficiary but question whether he could change that at a later date, say, once he had a wife and kids.

Well, of course Maryann was made aware of this policy and started to manufacture a plan to obtain Jose’s money. If only the policy were in her name already! Maryann was visiting her adult sons one day and met one of their friends, Anthony Delagarza, a member of the gang the Latin Kings. Not the best mother of the year knowing your sons are hanging out with gang members but hey, why not join in, right?! Delagarza claimed he wanted out of the Latin Kings and was working on it. He is truthful in this aspect. In December of 2012, he was officially “jumped” out or in other terms, beaten to a pulp.

But Anthony’s thug-life was not over. Maryann would make sure of that.

In early 2013, Jose had a change of heart and decided he wanted Maryann to have all his money, making her the only beneficiary of his employee stock options plan, his 401k plan, and his life insurance policy through his company. The other one stayed with his niece as the beneficiary.

Ah, it was go time for Maryann!

She started small, having Delagarza destroying the “beat up jalopy” for an insurance payout. This jalopy was a pretty new 2012 Nissan Maxima. Paying him $1,000, he blew up the car (add 1st degree arson to his list of offences). The cover story was that Maryann’s ex-husband did it for revenge. In return, Jose received $40,000 from the insurance company.

This event was so life altering to Jose, that he now changed his beneficiary on his other insurance policy leaving his niece with 60% and Maryann with 40%.

What Maryann never told Jose, was she was in love with someone else and married them July of 2013. She then returned and told Delagarza she needed a favor (seriously man, turn and run!). She wanted him to murder Jose. In return, he would get $50,000 of a 3rd life insurance policy Maryann was going to persuade Jose to take out. So in her charming nature, Maryann gets Jose to take out another $750,000 life insurance policy leaving her as the sole beneficiary.

Side note: Are you adding up the dollar signs in your head? Let’s see… $750,000+(40% of 750,000)+employee stock options, 401K and the other life insurance policy… Maryann stood to gain somewhere between $1.2 – $1.5 million!!!

Now, Jose had to die.

Late 2013, Maryann moved her husband (not Jose) to Michigan from Nevada. She then met with Delagarza several times to discuss the murder of Jose. Meanwhile, Jose now split that first insurance policy 50-50 with his niece and Maryann.

On January 5th, 2014, Delagarza went into action, borrowing a relative’s car and waiting for Jose to leave his apartment and accessing his car. At that time, Delagarza senselessly beat Jose with ball joint remover with a broken prong and left him to die in the snow. Maryann and Delagarzathen got rid of the weapon.

Okay, so why is Maryann Castorena’s murder of her ex-boyfriend so remarkable?! It isn’t necessarily the murder… it is the evidence and defense that is quite the story.

As police searched for Jose’s killer they subsequently interviewed Maryann several times especially since she stood to gain A LOT of money. In these interviews, Maryann was only so happy to give the police Delagarza’s name. Heck, if he was in prison and she wasn’t, she didn’t have to pay him the $50,000 hit fee, right?! (Because $1.2 million isn’t enough!) Well, Delagarza didn’t think twice about throwing Maryann under the bus telling them that she was the mastermind and that…

… she even wrote out the murder plan!

To coin a Yiddish term (yes, I’m Jewish)… Oy Vey!

Maryann had handwritten a note outlining the whole plan to kill Jose from hiding by his car, to beating him, every little aspect was written down. The police ate this up and started searching everywhere for this letter. Instead of burning said letter, the police found it crumpled up inside a book bag. Although I cannot seem to find an image of this letter searching on Google, Oxygen just show a glimpse of it in the Snapped episode.

So far Maryann has broken two of my rules seen in my prior post from March: “What Not To Do When Committing A Crime… The Stupidity of Criminals” . She has written out her murder plan (yes I know she is my example in this post) and she hired someone.

It is obvious that Delagarza was going away for a long time for first-degree murder. Now it was Maryann’s time for her trial. Maryann took that letter she wrote and created this whole defense on it. The defense: the letter wasn’t a murder plot, no, it was a story she heard two women discussing at a restaurant she was at and she thought it sounded like a great idea for a novel or movie!

Um… really Maryann?! Who the hell do you think is buying that defense?!

This “story” she heard and was writing was exactly the way things played out in real life with Jose’s murder.

Needless to say, the jury was not falling for this charade and Maryann is spending her days in prison sentenced to life with not possibility of parole. In the end, Maryann, was it really worth it?!

Maryann stays with me because of the letter. Her stupidity in not only writing the murder plot, but also not disposing it and then claiming it was a book idea is what boggles my mind. How do you get so absorbed in killing a human being for money that you totally miss the idea of being caught?! What goes through your mind as you plan the hit?! Do you really think you will get away with it?!

Maryann, my one advice for you… give up on your writing career.

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True Crime Tuesdays – “Two Strikes… Want to Make it to Three?!”

On By spaige08In crime, criminals, funny, humor, silly, true crime, True Crime Tuesdays, Uncategorized, writing1 Comment

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I had a whole True Crime Tuesday post ready for this week but when I read a recent news article in our local paper, I knew I had to write about this woman. So here it goes:

The news article’s title intrigued me: “Brookfield woman arrested twice in one day“

How?! Just how does one accomplish this wondrous title?!

As I read on, I just kept smacking my head.

The woman in question, 23-year-old Elayna Kathleen Smith, was arrested for breaking a full no-contact order. Police took her in at a park-and-ride where she was found in a vehicle with the young man who took the restraining order out against her. The two were first caught driving a vehicle with no front license plate and then the young man was found to have an expired license. After discovering the expired license, cops asked for the young woman’s name. She first gave some fake name but was quickly found out.

So Elayna is hauled in. She is released on a $500 bond.

Well, Elena isn’t the brightest bulb…

Not minutes after she is released, she is caught by an officer in the police department’s parking lot getting into a truck with who you ask… the same young man she is supposed to legally have no contact with! She is released now after posting another $1,000 bond.

She was arraigned on September 30th, 2019 after pleading “Not Guilty” to the three charges against her. Not sure how she plans on getting away with this one!

Elayna

I have so many questions on this one:

  • Why was a no-contact order taken out on her?!
  • Why was the guy who took the order out on her with her?!
  • Why did she choose to break the order and get in the truck with the guy?!
  • Were there drugs involved?! Prostitution?!
  • Or… is she just that dense?!

True Crime Tuesday – “Paging Dr. Schneeberger”

On By spaige08In crime, criminals, funny, humor, silly, true crime, True Crime Tuesdays, Uncategorized, writingLeave a comment

Dr. Schneeberger

I have to admit, I jumped at the chance to cover this one based solely on this doctor’s last name… Schneeberger (can’t stop laughing, sorry). No offense to any of my readers if your last name is Schneeberger or if any of your relatives last name is Schneeberger. In fact, my maiden name is the last half of this doctor’s last name. But, come on, who didn’t giggle when reading this?!

Now where did I discover Dr. Schneeberger?

To fall asleep at night, I watch episodes of Forensic Files (no judgement please). I am currently on Netflix’s Collection 8 out of 9. Each “collection” has around 50 episodes. Forensic Files is America’s longest running True Crime show commencing in April 23, 1996 and airing through June 17, 2011. That is over 15 years! Within this collection, I fell upon Season 6, Episode 18 “Bad Blood“.

The episode starts out in Kipling, Saskatchewan with a woman named Candice. Candy, as she is called in the episode, had gone to see her doctor (paging Dr. Schneeberger!) for some sort of sedative to calm her anxiety. This is not the first time Candy has seen him. This man was her primary care physician and even delivered her child. But this time was different. This time the doctor got a bit happy with the wrong head on his body. 

The incident occurred on Halloween of 1992. Schneeberger gave Candy a sedative as requested. It knocked her out completely. When she came to, she was disoriented but remembered Dr. Schneeberger sexually assaulting her. She did not say a word to his nurses, but confronted the doctor about the rape. The wonderful doctor was already beginning to cover his story by telling her that the sedative he gave her, Versed, has a strong amnesic effect and can cause vivid dreams.

Candy wasn’t buying it.

She left the office, but drove to a clinic in another town and got a rape kit performed on her. After semen was found she then called the police to report the rape. After reporting the crime, we see Candy being interviewed by Forensic Files, then her mother and then her father. I lost count on how many times “Eh” was said. It must be very prevalent in Saskatchewan versus all other Canadian provinces (Canada readers, please weigh in).

But I digress. The police went to visit Dr. Schneeberger and asked for his blood. Voluntarily, the doctor allowed them to take it… as long as it was in his left arm. No problem, I understand. I am a righty and prefer to donate blood using my non-dominant arm. His blood is not a match to the semen in Candy’s rape kit. Dr. Schneeberger is off the hook… for now.

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Candice doesn’t quite understand how this happened. Prior to the rape she hadn’t had sex in weeks. Meanwhile, the whole town is beginning to gossip about her and frankly, hate her. She, finally, persuades the police to test it again a year later. This time, the nurse who drew the blood looks at the tube and is a bit perplexed stating that this looks like old blood. But once again, the doctor is not a match even though the sample is very degraded. The police close the case in 1994.

Seems like this is the end for Candy getting justice… or is it?

Several years later, Dr. Schneeberger (god I love his name!) is accused by his stepdaughter in 1997 of sexual assault. Schneeberger’s wife, who had remained by his side and loathed Candy, was now singing a different tune. Lisa, his wife, had him arrested and demanded a DNA test to be performed. Candy’s case was reopened. The Mounties weren’t playing this time. They not only took his blood but also a hair sample and a saliva sample. All 3 were a match to the semen in Candy’s rape kit.

So how did Dr. Schneeberger’s blood not match the semen the first two times it was tested? The sneaky doctor reveals this in his 1999 trial for sexual assault. The doctor took a 15cm tube and filled it with one of his male patient’s blood. Aha! Now remember when the nurse was a bit puzzled after the second test stating that the blood looked old? Dr. Schneeburger had left that tube in him for over a year. Not the brightest move. This is why he always wanted his blood taken from his left arm. In the episode, they even zoom in to his second voluntary blood donation and you can actually see the tube in his arm!

Well, because the doctor was now involuntarily demanded to give his DNA, there was no way he was getting away with this!

In 1999, he was sentenced to six years in prison (frankly not enough time if you ask me). He medical license was revoked. His wife divorced him and complained about his citizenship to the the Canadian authorities. You see, Dr. Schneeberger was actually born in Zambia, a country located in south-central Africa. When the good doctor was released four years later on parole, the authorities revoked his citizenship and began deportation procedures. It seems Dr. Schneeburger may have mislead the authorities on his citizenship application (What Dr. Schneeburger lie? No way!) On his 1993 application, he claimed he was not part of an active police investigation. It seems the doctor had “forgotten” about the case Candy had brought against him (maybe he took some Versed!)

Dr. John Schneeberger was deported to South Africa in July 2004.

Candy was elated that she finally got justice, eh.

True Crime Tuesday – The Prodigal Spoiled Brat Son

On By spaige08In crime, criminals, funny, humor, murder, silly, true crime, True Crime Tuesdays, Uncategorized, writingLeave a comment

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This weeks true crime tale begins in West Virginia (no, get your minds out of the gutter, there is no incest in this story). There was a small family of three: a mother, a son, and a stepfather. This is the story of Donald Dunn and the murder and attempted murder of his parents.

I had no idea who Donald Dunn was before watching A Lie To Die For, Season 1, Episode 5, “Deadly Diploma”. I needed a new true crime show to binge watch and the title of the show intrigued me. Due to the fall lineup on the network stations not starting for another week or so, my husband and I decided to watch this show one evening. This is where I met the prodigal son, Donald.

Donald was by all means a typical child. He was loved by his mother, Johanna, and stepfather, Mark. Mark entered Donald’s life pretty early on. He loved the boy, always being there for him. His parents spoiled him. He never had to ask for anything. Johanna and Mark bought him whatever he wanted.

So here we are, a boy who is tremendously loved by his parents and given everything he could ever want. Why would he want to kill his parents?!

Well, as the title states, this millennial fits the stereotype that a lot of people have towards millennials. Donald became lazy. Selfish and lazy.

Donald started community college back in 2008 and then transferred to Marshall University in 2010. It wasn’t long after this transfer that Donald failed out of college. Like any “good” son, he decided not to tell his parents. He moved in with his long time girlfriend and her sister and pretended to go to class. According to them he would leave for 1-2 hours and come back. They didn’t think anything of it. Turns out, young Donald was going and getting high during this time frame. When he was back at the apartment he would play video games and watch movies with his girlfriend. Typical college student behavior. All this while keeping his parents money. He was living the lazy sloth-like life he always wanted… and one he would kill for.

Johanna calls 911 on May 25, 2013, the day that was supposed to be Donald’s college graduation. In this 911 call, Johanna tells police that she shot and killed her husband in self defense. Her son Donald had been in the shower but came upstairs to his mother once he was beckoned to do so. They arrest Johanna and question both at the police station.

Open and shut case, right?! Oh so wrong!

At the police station Johanna is quick to change her story. She tells police that Donald is the one who shot and killed Mark and that he attempted to shoot and kill her as well. He told his mother he had a gift for her and to sit at the dining room table and he’ll bring it to her. Instead he points the gun at the back of her head and shoots. Lucky for Johanna, the gun jams and she frees herself begging her son to turn himself in. Instead he forces her to call the police and tell them she killed Mark.

Now the police don’t know who the heck to believe. That is until…

… Donald breaks!

He fully admits to killing his stepfather and attempting to kill his mother. Then he explains why beginning with:

“First semester there, the classes went from, if you show up, you get an A, to actually having to put forth the effort and do the work,” Donald Dunn told police, “It was just beyond me. I just didn’t have the faculties to do it.” (But you have the faculties to use this word)

Hmmm… didn’t have the faculties to do it. So now Donald is trying to convince everyone he is a big dummy.

He continues by saying he enjoyed living the comfortable life he was living doing nothing and leeching off his parents. He figured to continue that life that he would need to kill his parents to inherit their money, because as he states, it was easier than telling them the truth about flunking out of college. What a typical millennial?! (Honestly, no offense to my millennial readers, he just fits the stereotype perfectly):

“It wasn’t really the thought of upsetting them, I guess it was the thought of losing a vehicle, losing a place to live, losing fancy custom shoes and junk like that,” Donald said. (What a spoiled brat?!)

Donald, trying to make off like he is this dumb-ass, admits to typing up a suicide letter supposedly written by his mom. In the letter he glorifies himself like any good psychopath would, how he is such a treasured son.

But he is not done.

He admits to planning these murders during spring break because his “graduation” was approaching. He started going to gun ranges to practice. He stole his mother’s gun and loaded it with the exact amount of bullets you would need for his “murder/suicide” plan with is mother as the shooter. He had been producing fake report cards from the school and continued to. He had everyone fooled.

The cops who interrogated him have said that he showed no emotion whatsoever after reiterating his story. He was cold and shocked that he didn’t feel anything after killing his stepfather.

In 2014, Donald was convicted of the first degree murder of his stepfather, Mark, and sentenced to life in prison without the possibility of parole. The irony is that even though he tried to kill his mother, she defended him at the trial saying that he was such a good boy growing up. She even went as far as to use the insurance money she got from Mark’s death to hire a lawyer for her son! I understand sticking by your child but he murdered your husband and then you took the victim’s money to pay for the guilty’s lawyer?! Just wrong.

In 2016, Donald appealed his case taking it all the way up to the West Virginia Supreme Court. In some not-so-shattering news, they denied his appeal.

Donald’s mother died not long after his sentence from cancer, an illness she had been suffering from for a while. There is no one left to visit him as the rest of the family has cut their ties. He will die in prison alone…

… as the man who “didn’t have the faculties to do it.”

He has never shown any remorse.

 

 

True Crime Tuesdays – “I Did It All For You, Jodie!”

On By spaige08In crime, criminals, funny, humor, mental illness, murder, silly, true crime, True Crime Tuesdays, Uncategorized, writingLeave a comment

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I don’t know much about John Hinckley Jr. All I knew prior to watching the recent Dateline episode (Season 27, Episode 52) was that he shot President Reagan. After all, I had just had my first birthday a month prior. My focus was on taking my first steps, not true crime. That would come much later.

When I saw the Dateline preview for the episode “Hinckley: Diary of a Dangerous Mind” I became intrigued. I never knew why he did what he did. I never knew that when he shot President Reagan, he shot several other people. And I never knew that the reason behind him shooting the president all lied with his tremendous infatuation with actress Jodie Foster.

Within the episode, they had interviewed some of Hinckley’s childhood chums. They described him as this nice kid, friendly, caring. And then something happened. He changed. He became paranoid. As his friends described him, I jumped up from the sofa scaring my husband as I shouted, “He has schizophrenia!” Leave it to my mentally ill mind to know. I, myself, am not a schizophrenic, but know several people who are and the one thing they all have in common is that their symptoms first appeared in their late teens/early 20s. I have to admit, I high-fived my husband when they did finally diagnose him.

But I digress. A little background on John Hinckley Jr.: He was born in Oklahoma in 1955 to well-to-do parents. Money was not an issue in their house. He grew up in Texas through elementary school on and even into his college years. Because of the symptoms of his mental illness, he wound up dropping out of college and moving back in with his parents who were then living in Colorado.

It was here that he came up with his plan, the plan to shoot (and hopefully kill) the president. Why? Jodie Foster. I know, I know, how are the two connected? My husband and I were greatly perplexed by this, sitting on the edge of the sofa about to fall off, staring at the TV with our faces in a puzzling look. Then the answer was given… the movie Taxi Driver.

Ah, yeah, Taxi Driver! I see the correlation. Totally! (Remember, I was a baby when Reagan was shot. I wasn’t even born when Taxi Driver was released).

So, to put all the points into perspective… Jodie Foster plays a prostitute in Taxi Driver (released in 1976). The lead, played by Robert DeNiro, is a Vietnam Vet who is now driving a taxi through the streets of NYC. He slowly becomes insane and starts to plan the assassination of the presidential candidate and Jodie Foster’s pimp.

Okay, now it is making more sense. Hinckley was obsessed with this movie. This movie was where his obsession with Jodie Foster was fostered (hah, like my play on words there?!). This movie’s lead goes insane. Hinckley was going insane. The lead plans to assassinate the presidential candidate… aha! Hinckley plans to assassinate a president.

Now I got it. All the dots are connected.

On March 30th, 1981, Hinckley fired 6 shots into a large crowd aimed at President Reagan. His first few shots hit police officer Thomas Delahanty, Secret Service agent Timothy McCarthy and press secretary James Brady. It wasn’t until the very last shot, that he hit Reagan. The bullet squeezed by through the small gap at the hinge of the car door and hit Reagan in chest. Reagan recovered as did the others shot, although some of them did not fare as lucky as others.

Hinckley is quickly tackled and arrested after the shooting. It is at this point where they have a psychiatrist see him. He was then given the diagnosis of schizophrenia. Throughout this whole time (prior to the shooting and after) he is in constant contact with (who else?) Jodie Foster. He created this romantic relationship in his head. Called her dorm room. Wrote her letters. He was in love, the obsessive, stalker kind, but in love nonetheless. Meanwhile, Jodie thought the complete opposite. Frankly, he was nothing to her but an annoying man.

Hinckley is brought to trial in 1982. Everyone is 100% positive that he will be found guilty. I mean, there are over dozens of witnesses. The courtroom is waiting with baited breath as the jury files in and reads the verdict…

“Not guilty by reason of insanity!”

The courtroom was in shock! No jail time for someone who shot the president?!

It isn’t that Hinckley got off Scott-free. He was sent to St. Elizabeth’s Hospital in Washington D.C. During his hospital stay, he decided that conversing with other criminals would be a really good hobby. He and Ted Bundy became good pen pals. He wrote with one of Charles Manson’s women, Lynette Fromme. He tried to get Manson’s contact info but never received it (I guess Manson swiped left on Tinder).

Hinckley did fall in love while in the hospital. He fell for a woman 10 years his senior who was taking up residence there because she shot and killed her 10-year-old daughter. During this tragedy, she cut her arm off as well. The two were crazy about each other and would meet outside, walk together and even enjoyed some sexual escapades. They were so in love that when this woman was released she took a job at St. Elizabeth’s to remain near him. I am not sure how this was allowed by the staff…

In 1987, Hinckley made his first attempt at freedom. He applied to the court for periodic home visits. Because of his correspondence with mass-murderer Ted Bundy, and his continued obsession with Jodie Foster, he was denied.

He was given supervised home visits in 1999. A year later, 2000, the hospital decided he was ready to see the world and suggested unsupervised visits. Not sure what they were thinking, but they quickly realized this was a bad idea and changed their minds.

Throughout 2004 and 2005, Hinckley regained supervised visits with his parents. September of 2005, he requested expanded privileges. He received multi-night visits with his parents, who were now living in Williamsburg, VA. In 2007, Hinckley wanted more. He was denied.

In 2009, he was allowed longer visits with his mother (his father had passed away) and he was allowed a driver’s license. With this he had to have a GPS enabled cellphone to which he had to carry all the time.

In 2011, the hospital deemed him safe and not a danger to himself or society. The Department of Justice disagreed.

In 2013, he received longer visits with his mother, now allowing him 17-day stretches.

After over 30 years at St. Elizabeth’s, John Hinckley Jr. was released on September 10, 2016 into the hands of his aging mother who was 90 at the time. He had a whole bunch of conditions he had to keep in order to stay free and seemed to maintain them all. As of November 2018, the court allowed him to move out of his mother’s house and is live on his own.

I know for a fact that he still resides in Williamsburg, VA as I have a friend there who has seen him. He lives a normal life, goes shopping, has a girlfriend.

But what would a good true crime story be without a good humorous twist?! Am I right?!

As of September 10, 2019, Hinckley is seeking permission to move to California. Why? To enter the music business. The judge is reviewing and requesting additional information.

An interesting side note: Hinckley didn’t care which president he tried to assassinate, there was no democrat/republican angle. He is seen in a photograph standing in a crowd behind President Carter. He just never had the right angle. So Reagan was next.
Okay, okay, so what do I think about Hinckley living a “normal” life?
As a person with mental illness, I think he deserves a second chance at a “normal” life. He spent many years, decades, at an institution. He sees a therapist and a psychiatrist. He is what I like to call “in remission”. Why shouldn’t he deserve another chance at life?!
But to play devil’s advocate… he shot a president! He shot other people as well. No, none of them died (although Brady’s death was ruled a homicide 33 years after the shooting). I often wonder what would’ve happened if he succeeded. But, what ifs are pointless.

 

If you enjoyed this installment, please check out last week’s: “I’m Gonna Be A YouTube Sensation!”

 

True Crime Tuesday – “I’m Gonna Be a YouTube Sensation!”

On By spaige08In crime, criminals, funny, humor, murder, silly, true crime, True Crime Tuesdays, Uncategorized1 Comment

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A tale as old as time…

Boy meets girl. They fall in love. Boy marries girl. Girl hires hit man to kill boy… whoa, wait a minute!

This is the story of Dalia Dippolito, of Boynton Beach, FL who met her husband Michael Dippolito when she first appeared on his doorstep one day as a hired escort in 2008. Four months later (yes, I said four months) they were married. Hmmm… how much do you really know about a person in 4 months?! Their quick-to-the-altar marriage started out euphorically. All sunshine and roses, until it wasn’t, you know a few months after that. Why do I say a few months? Because Dalia started to plan Mike’s murder in 2009!

Maybe the sex wasn’t good, she didn’t like him anymore, who knows?! But he had to die! Why? Because the easiest most profitable way to get out of the marriage was to have him killed.

Detour here… I don’t understand what goes on in the criminal mind. You want out of a marriage and you want money. Ah, let me murder my spouse! Okay, I see that train of thought, BUT, and a big, BUT, criminals are stupid. They seem to get stuck on greed, that they don’t realize they will be caught and then instead of seeing all this insurance money & freedom, you’re seeing the inside of a prison. Just mind-boggling to me.

Back to the story. So Dalia wants her husband dead so she can collect his life insurance. Not original by any means. Greed is the #1 instigator of murder. Money talks. While she is planning his death, she starts stealing his money, $100,000 of it.

She begins with plans that only involve herself… poisoning his drink with antifreeze, attempting to steal a gun, trying to get him back behind bars on a probation violation (yes, Michael was not a saint by any means). All this backtracked her. She had to bring in reinforcements.

Enter her boyfriends.

She went first to Mike Stanley telling him that they could be together if they got Michael out of the picture. He helped put a townhouse Michael owned into Dalia’s name only. He aided in making phone calls to the U.S. Department of Treasury reporting Michael for fake money scams. This wasn’t enough.

She then enlisted Mohamed Fawzi Shihadeh. With this, Dalia makes the biggest mistake of her life… she tells Mohamed that she wants her husband dead. Oh Dalia, you broke one of my rules, disclosing your plan to someone else.

Well, at least the boyfriend isn’t as dumb as Miss Dalia. He takes his smart thinking directly to the local PD where he informs them of Dalia’s statement. The officers and Mohamed strike up a deal. Mohamed, now an informant, is to tell Dalia that he has found a hitman for her. Of course, this soon-to-be hired hitman is actually an undercover cop. This plan is the beginning of Dalia’s demise.

Dalia meets with the uncover cop, I mean hitman, in his car. Naturally, being an undercover cop there is not only sound recording devices in the car but video as well. Oh Dalia… She can be heard on the recording stating, “I’m positive, like 5,000 percent sure I want it done!” Well, at least she is, like 5,000% sure and not only 100% sure. The video became an internet sensation.

But not as much as a sensation as her “grieving wife” video.

She goes back and forth texting the hired hitman. After the time and date is decided, the cops disclose to Michael Dippolito his wife’s plans for him. He was a bit shocked but not “Oh my God! No way!” shocked. He decides to play along to the cops plan… fake his death. Good thinking Michael! When no one was home, the cops went in and staged a murder scene and then waited for their prey to show up.

Soon enough, they get their wish. When Dalia arrives home, the cops tell her that Michael is dead. Without hinting to her involvement, she starts dramatically sobbing, falling into an officers arms. It is an absolutely fabulous performance. She is then taken back to the precinct for questioning. They bring in the ‘hitman’ and tell her he is an undercover cop. Then they bring in Mike, back from the dead. Dalia is utterly shocked, in tears and begs him to come to her. (Watch all this in the video below)

Well, if the story hasn’t brought you to tears of laughter yet, it is about to. Remember, criminals are stupid. Dalia’s defense at trial is that it was all fake. The murder plot was a sham. She wanted to become a YouTube sensation because, she thought, YouTube would lead her to her own reality show. (Insert head smack here). Her defense didn’t work and she was found guilty, sentenced to 20 years in 2011. (The texts and the video didn’t help your defense Dalia… not one bit)

But, in an unforeseen turn of events, her conviction is overturned. (Gasp!) A 2nd trial in 2016 wound up having a hung jury. Because of this, she was sent home on house arrest until the start of trial #3. In this short period of time, she gets pregnant and has a baby. Her 3rd trial happens in June of 2017 and she is found guilty once again and sentenced to 16 years in prison. Her ex-husband, Michael Dippolito, expresses his joy with a little play on words, “I am 5,000% happy with the result.”

At this point the residents of Florida, and frankly anyone who has been following this case, is so exhausted about hearing about Dalia Dippolito. But, sadly, we are not done. A few days ago, her name appeared in the news once again. She filed for an appeal. In the smartest decision of the Florida Supreme Court, they rejected it.

She is due to be released in 2032 at the age of 50.

So much for living that carefree life with all that insurance money!

 

Seen on:

Snapped, Season 8, Episode 20, Dalia Dippolito,

Dateline “The Sting” Season 25, Episode 13

Cops, 20/20, American Greed & Crime Watch Daily