Because I am human and accidentally erased the text and then deleted the “Reflections Of My Daughter” post from a couple of weeks ago, I am going to try to organize my thoughts again…
9 years old and full of compassion, love, humor and sass. You are an amazing child. When I was pregnant with you, my heart swelled with love to a point I thought it would burst. I didn’t know it was possible to love someone so much before ever meeting them. I had so many hopes and dreams for you. So many traits I wanted you to get from your father and from myself. When you were born, my love, I stared at you, my daughter, my baby girl. At that moment I could see what things you may have inherited.
You were stubborn since birth. We could have used someone in the house who wasn’t stubborn but you had 2 strikes against you with your father and myself. Your stubbornness led you to taking your sweet time to come out. It led Mommy to taking over 2 1/2 hours to push you out. You were also impatient since birth. A characteristic I wish you didn’t inherit from me, but you did. This impatience made you decide you didn’t want to wait until your November due date, October would be your birth month.
I didn’t think of these 2 traits when you were born.
I was dreaming of creativity from myself, which you have;
An ability to see people for who they are on the inside, which you have;
Athleticism… not so much;
Loyalty… too much just like myself;
An ability to love, which you have.
But with these my sweet girl, you inherited a few things that are not dreams but more like nightmares and I am sorry for this. I never wanted you to suffer from anxiety, but you do. When you change, like a flick of a switch, my heart breaks. The catastrophes you live in your head, I have lived them too. The amount of tears you shed, Mommy has shed them too. The thoughts of not wanting to live these emotions, you’re not alone. The pure exhaustion you feel after coming out of your anxiety attacks, Mommy has felt it often.
My Sophia, as you enter the world of Preteen-dom, just know you can always come to me. I will not turn you away for I understand. I’ve lived it all and more, far too many times. I will be your biggest advocate, your biggest fighter, and your biggest supporter.
I love you, my Sophia Faye, to infinity and beyond.
Ugh… not quite worded the same as the first post, but my points are there. Wish I didn’t delete it. The perfectionist in me is yelling at myself for deleting such and important piece.