Are You A Mom?

If you’re reading this, you probably answered yes to the above question. I mean who out there reads blogs more than us mothers? Am I right? This came up in a hilarious book I just read titled Nobody F#&@ing Told Me: “Mess”ays from Motherhood by Sammie Prescott. Sammie is a mother to 2 young boys, Tater and Tot, and married to her hunky husband, ‘Squatch. In this book you learn a lot about what it is like to be a mother to young children. Even though my daughter is 12 now, I was nodding my head and laughing in agreement through almost the whole book.

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My little munchkin around Tater’s age… man how time flies!

I can relate to Sammie in many ways. We both suffered from postpartum depression after the birth of our children and we both found solace in writing about it. As Sammie says,”Everything I wrote started as a way to make me sane again.” That is how I feel about my blog. This book was a way for her to process her emotions and find a little humor in them.

I found her essay about play dating on par. It is very similar to dating. I remember asking myself the same questions… will I like this parent? Is their child a nightmare? Will they think I am completely weird and run away? It causes so much anxiety that frankly it is so much easier for our children than us.

The one story that really cracked me up was “Humbled: A Weiner Story”. That one you will just have to read for yourself.

But she gets serious too. I completely sympathized as she spoke about how a sick child is like a “passionate Yoga class” because it is a mind, body and soul experience. All you want is to take the sickies away while trying really hard not to vomit as you are cleaning your children’s vomit. Calling first-time motherhood a lonely experience really hit home for me as well. In the beginning you are only with your child. There is a lack of adult conversation. It definitely fed my postpartum depression. And then there are the Mom impostors, when everything in their lives seem so perfect and you wonder what is wrong with you.

Aside from the above, another reason I highly recommend this book is it’s chapter length. These are essays that are roughly 2 – 5 pages. It is easy to pick up and read one when you have 5 minutes to yourself (you know, in the bathroom). It is just the right amount to read when you are waiting for a doctor’s appointment or your child’s school bus. And I guarantee, you will laugh.

My advice for Sammie, since I am past the young child stage:

  • They do eventually wipe their own tooshies. My husband and I threw a party when Sophia could wipe her own ass. I believe she was 5 or 6. It’s coming.
  • You and I are kindred spirits. I, too, wanted to run away after Sophia’s birth. I had everything planned except for a location. All I needed was for someone to tell me I was not alone. That statement is so powerful.
  • Toddlers are rough. That is the worst age so far. You are right. The eye rolling, smart ass sayings, pushing their limits. Ugh. Three was the roughest age. I loved the line you quoted, “Like serial killers, toddlers lack empathy (Bumni Laditian)”. That appealed to my love of true crime as well. It does get better. For me, with a girl, I am told it will get worse as a teenager.
  • Last tidbit of advice, which I think you know… you are the best mom for your children and you are doing an excellent job. You’re right, motherhood sucks sometimes and more of us mothers should speak up about how shitty it can be.

Honestly, if you have spare time, read this book. It will let you know you are not alone and doing a great job while making you laugh. Keep it up.

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Now, my baby is a preteen and she’s taller than me. But, I am doing a great job at being her mom!

Sammie’s book can be found at Amazon in both Kindle & Paper back here.

Cost is not high as the ebook is only $3.99. If you like to hold real books in your hand (like I do), the paperback is only $14.99.

 

*Disclaimer: This post is sponsored content by Eliezer Tristan Publishing

Lies Depression Tells: “You Have No Friends… And Don’t Deserve Any!”

There is singing in my head, one song, on a continuous loop… “All By Myself” by Eric Carmen later remade by Celine Dion:

“…I think of all the friends I’ve known, but when I dial the telephone, nobody’s home…”

I hear laughter in the background as the song is being sung by a melancholy vocalist, myself:

“… Sometimes I feel so insecure, and love is so distant and obscure, remains the cure…”

Then I can visually see myself break out into the chorus with tears gliding down my cheeks:

“All by myself, don’t want to be, all by myself anymore…”

The laughing is growing and I am shrinking down into the fetal position on the floor, slinking my way into a corner. The source of my laughing, Depression, my friend, my foe, my constant companion.

It arrived back from its vacation a little over a week ago. Not wanting to stay quiet and play with Anxiety in the background, it has taken over my body. It has put all those ‘lovely’ negative thoughts back in my head that I worked so hard to get rid of… worthlessness, hopelessness, loneliness. I’ve tried to fight back, telling it that it will not take over me and every morning it is the personality trait that is dominant.

“You have no friends!” it echoes. There is a brief pause before it cackles, “And you don’t deserve any.”

This is a normal feeling that comes in waves throughout the year. For the most part, I can tell Depression to shut up, but this time, this time I can’t. I am silenced. I am not quite sure of the main cause of this Depressive state as it has been going on for over a week but I do know a few factors that have contributed:

My Business Trip: I love traveling for my job. I get to see new places, try local cuisine. This time I even met a friend for dinner. But traveling disturbs my routine and while I enjoy it, these trips are so jammed packed with work that I am constantly moving and never really decompress.

No Vacation: My husband, daughter and I took a vacation in April 2016 and will not be going on another vacation until October 2018. Yes, 2 1/2 years. We tried planning a long weekend this year but there were other commitments. So once again, no decompression.

Socialization: My therapist recommends I get out more with my friends. Easier said than actually done. Everyone is so busy except during the week. Even though it is summer, I work during the week.

It’s this last point that has been eating away at my happiness and refueling my Depression.

There was a group of friends of mine, close friends, close enough to call each other ‘Bestie’. Over the last year and a half there has been distance, mainly because our daughters no longer take dance. My instincts tell me there is more and I will sit and analyze this to no avail. My thoughts tell me I did something wrong or said something wrong. There were birthday parties my daughter wasn’t invited to. I blame myself for this. What did I do? Did I say something? I know, they are sick of dealing with me. There are photos of fun weekday pool gatherings. Stephanie, you work, you can’t go. There has been effort on my part earlier this year but now, now I am just so drained I have no more strength to try anymore. I know this is only hurting myself, and my daughter since she misses out on playing with her friends.

I feel alone, so, so, alone.

When I am lucid and logical I realize the falseness of this. “We’re all busy,” I tell myself, “Weekends are usually family time.” I mean, how can I deny the latter? That is when my husband, daughter and I can do something. I constantly tell myself that you have friends that you go out with. I just went out to see a musical with one of them. I have my best friend in the whole world living with me, my husband. I have family.

And yet, there is something missing.

Something about this group of friends and me. Something that is eating away at me. They don’t get it and at times, I don’t think they want to try anymore. They don’t get what living with Depression is like. They don’t understand how a Depressive thinks. I can’t blame them for this. My brain is not easy to understand. My husband, after knowing me for almost 21 years, still has times where my mind confuses him. Hell, my mind confuses me. And at times, those rare occasions where I do get to meet up with the ‘Besties’, I tend to feel uncomfortable because I constantly feel like I am being seen only as my illness. I know this is my Depression speaking. Sometimes it is just hard to separate my logical mind from my sick mind.

I have friends that get it. Friends that I met because we share Depression and Anxiety diagnosis’. I enjoy their company. I don’t feel like any topic is off limits. When my friend and I went to the musical, we discussed hospitalizations. They fulfill my socialization need. Then why the funk… why the constant loneliness, why the “You have no friends, and you don’t deserve any”?

I wish I knew.

Lies Depression tells us.