My 22 year struggle with diagnosed Depression started at 14 (although I believe I suffered earlier than that). Just barely a teenager, my family had moved from the only place I ever knew, the city of Brooklyn NY, to suburbia Western CT at the start of high school for me. Being a teenager, I decided to suffer alone for as long as I could. I expressed myself through poetry which when struggling with Depression now, I still do. Below is a poem I wrote in 1995:
Birthplace
Leaving the place
where you were nurtured
And where you were raised
Leaves a whimper or a
tear,
As if the tear was a brief
memory escaping.
As if God is crying for you
Sending a sign of hope and
luck,
Upon your departure.
Dependent on the feelings
around you
Can cause brief sorrow
Leaving much melancholy.
For you will never visit
the same structures
Or recline in the same bed
Or love the same place
that you still enjoy.
You will never see the sights
of tired-some people
Calling for a ride,
You will never feel the same
traffic
Or breathe the same air,
filled with your life.
The clothes will never
quite fit the same
The languages will be forgotten
And your friends will be remote
to your pathetic living.
The new companions will never
feel your pain
Or understand where you come from
Or who you are
your heritage.
They will never be your
true friends
Or anything else
Just simple comrades to replace.
Hands will never waver
amongst the harsh winds,
Bodies will never stand
Awaiting the arrival of a bus
or the arrival of spirit
And when people begin
to ask where you are from
You stutter in reply because
Though you know where
you were born,
You are reluctant to answer
your home.
And you don’t dear reply
Where you are situated now
for you don’t belong.
You are not one of them
nor are you one
Of the people who you were.
You become confused
crying inside
Solitary confining yourself
to be a loner.
©11/15/1995 Stephanie Paige
Please talk with your children at an early age. Talk to your teens. Depression tends to manifest itself differently in the younger population. Research the symptoms and clues and watch for them. Most of all, be a strong support to your child. I was and still am lucky to have the immense support of my parents.
Thank you for sharing this poem. I moved many times in my life, and found myself always an outsider.
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