Some things I will hide.  A fake smile has become such a staple in my closet of Depression, I am an expert at it.  Sometimes my smile is true.  Unfortunately, most of my friends and family can’t tell the difference.  I’ve hidden my feelings even from my therapist at times.  Not wanting to share my pain…  I avoid eye contact for fear that if someone looks into my eyes they will see my inner turmoil.  The internal part of Depression… the reason why the stigma exists.  How do you know it is real if you can’t see it?  If you can’t take a blood test to prove it?

The Real Life Of A Manic Depressive…

My medicine bin.  Last night as I was refilling my pill containers I realized this is the part of Depression that most people do not see but proves that this disease is real.  Countless medications.

The medications to the left in this picture are the many meds I have tried that did not work since this past January…  Trazodone, Klonopin, Xanax, Zoloft, Celexa, Belsomra…

The medications to the right are the ones that are currently working for me that I take daily… Lexapro 20mg, Wellbutrin XL 150mg, Ativan .5mg, Seroquil 100mg.  These are the medications that make life livable.  Without them, I would be a mess.

In addition to my pills there are more medications that need to be taken for the side effects of the antidepressants, anti-anxiety & anti-psychotic.  This is my life.  I live like someone who is Diabetic.  I live like someone who has MS.  I live like someone who has Cancer.  I did not chose to have Depression, it chose me.  I did not chose to have to take 4 prescribed meds and over the counter meds but I need to, to function.

This is the Real Life Of A Manic Depressive…
(who also has Generalized Anxiety Disorder and a mild form of PTSD)…