Thank you J!…

I was six, she was four.  We met through a mutual friend whose age fell between us.  Quickly, we became Besties or whatever the 1980s equivalent was.  I was the older sister she didn’t have and she was the younger sister I didn’t have.  We played with Cabbage Patch Kids, Baby Dolls, Doll Houses and Lego.  There were many sleepovers and secrets.  We were family.

Until we weren’t.  There were big fights between us (I take complete blame), between our mothers, and then a move.  She left the comforts of NY and myself and moved to the sunny south of the country when I was about 12, she 10.  Although we weren’t talking, I missed her deeply.  I became alone, sad, and broken.  I made other friends through the years, but it just wasn’t the same.  I think this might be the earliest Depression I really had, but this episode went undiagnosed.

Then one day I received a cryptic message on Prodigy (old school AOL) from someone who knew me in NY.  I was fifteen at the time.  She called herself Jade and expressed her love of giraffes. Through many discussions I realized it was her, she found me!  I was overjoyed.  A piece of my broken heart returned. Over the next few years we wrote many letters, exchanged pictures, told each other secrets again.

And then, during Spring Break one year in college, we met at Downtown Disney (now Disney Springs).  We both were so excited and happy.  The great thing, it was like nothing ever happened. Since that trip, we have been in eachother’s weddings, shared the births of our children and have tried to see eachother at least once every two years.

Jokingly, out of the blue, after planning our Disney trip for this year, J decided we should call it our 30th Friendiversary!  I took this and ran with it.  30 years.  We have been friends for 30 years!  Last week we met on Sunday at Animal Kingdom, Monday at Epcot and Friday at Epcot.  Seeing her, her husband and her boys was the highlight of my trip.  Whenever we see eachother we just pick up where we left off.  Leaving her on Friday was tough and for more than the reason of not knowing when I would see her again.

J did something that trip, something she didn’t even know she did, and I am eternally grateful for.

Suffering from Depression and Anxiety, fraternal twins whose biggest characteristic is lying, isn’t easy and although I have been doing very well since admitting compassion for my Inner Bitch, I still get doubts every now and then.  I tend to feel that I am constantly being judged on my parenting and on the shear fact of if I should even be allowed to parent.  Crazy, yes?  Depression and Anxiety lie a lot.  I tend to think that my friends would never leave their child for a play date with Sophia because of how delusional and mentally broken I became early 2015.  I tend to think that is the person they see.  I know, still ridiculous, but I believe this.

Now, of course, being in Disney, this was not a play date situation.  We were in Epcot the last day in line for Spaceship Earth deciding who would go with who.  J’s oldest, who is 3 1/2, wanted to ride with Sophia.  J agreed as long as I was in the car with them.  For the length of this ride, a few minutes, she trusted him with me knowing my full history.  It was a confidence I needed, a person who really believed I was fully capable at not only keeping and eye on and parenting my child but also keeping an eye on hers.

I was six and she was four and 30 years later going from playing house with dolls to having our own children, we are still Besties.  We care for each other and our families.  We love each other.  And, we trust each other.  Thank you J!  Thank you for trusting me and helping me see, that I am a good parent and a good person!  Love you and miss you! My younger sister!

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