Suicide…

As this is Suicide Prevention Week and today is World Suicide Prevention Day, I thought I would disclose something about myself not many people know:

I contemplated committing suicide when I was 18.  A lot was going through my mind.

Below, is an excerpt from my book:

“After one of many arguments concerning an 18th birthday party, the stress of the work at school, the stress of work itself, and the large feeling of neglect, I sat in my bedroom one morning holding a case cutter (from work) in my right hand on top of the skin of my left wrist.  So much was going through my mind. 

Would anyone miss me?

Would anyone notice if I were gone?

Would anyone care if I were gone?

Would anyone cry at my funeral?

Was this the ideal answer to my issues?

Would anyone try to save me?

I sat there, for a good fifteen minutes repeating these questions over and over in my head.  Honestly, I also thought about the huge mess it would leave on the floor.  That led to the feeling that my parents would be angry with me for leaving that huge mess.  Odd what you think of when you are contemplating suicide.”
 
“Once I realized killing myself was not the answer I just sat there on the floor of my room still holding the case cutter to my wrist and started to cry.  It was a huge crying fest.  There was so much emotion I never knew I had in me and it was all coming out.  The crying got so loud that my mother actually screamed up to me, “Steph, what’s wrong?! Are you okay?  You need to leave for school…”  Did I mention it was a school day?!  I knew I had to tell her and at this point I was exploding in tears and words.  I walked down the stairs still holding the case cutter but now not directly over my wrist.  My mom put two and two together and just started crying.”
 
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If you know anyone who is planning to commit suicide or even contemplating it or if it is you yourself, please call the number below:
National Suicide Prevention Hotline:
1-800-273-TALK (8255)
For More Information On How You Can Help:

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