Thank you J!…

I was six, she was four.  We met through a mutual friend whose age fell between us.  Quickly, we became Besties or whatever the 1980s equivalent was.  I was the older sister she didn’t have and she was the younger sister I didn’t have.  We played with Cabbage Patch Kids, Baby Dolls, Doll Houses and … [Read more…]

EMDR, The Room, & My Inner Bitch…

How many of us can admit that we are our own worst enemy?  That we judge ourselves more than we judge others?  That we self-loathe, self hate, self deteriorate?  Everyone who suffers from Depression can answer these questions with a blunt, “ME, I do!”  This part that harshly judges me, I’ve dubbed my Inner Bitch … [Read more…]

Strength…

I used to be strong.  I was strong physically.  I was strong mentally.  I was strong emotionally.  When I was all these things I was Super Stephanie, a woman who exuded self confidence, who inspired people to become the best versions of themselves because I, I was the best version of myself.  I was a … [Read more…]

Not One Smile…

For the last month or two during EMDR therapy, my therapist has tried very hard to penetrate the rock-like protection I keep around my postpartum memories.  These memories were so deeply buried that the strongest jackhammer wasn’t getting to them.  We had made brief success by making me realize I need to have compassion for … [Read more…]

Sophia Scared…

At age six, I brought my daughter in to her Pediatrician for her yearly physical.  This was not the first year that the doctors questioned me about her hysterics when they would get within two feet from her.  I kept telling myself, that is normal child behavior, most kids are scared of the doctor.  Age … [Read more…]

Second Chances…

Last night I had a dream. It started with myself interviewing for some new job in Manhattan.  I was dressed up in a flowy top with black dress pants and black shoes.  I was like a child who has come to NYC for the first time and in such awe with the size of the … [Read more…]

Hello God, It’s Me, Stephanie…

I am by no means a religious person.  I grew up in a very reformed Jewish household where we exchanged presents for Hanukkah but aside from that, there was very little else we did.  At one point, I did want to extend my Hebrew learning and attended 1 year of Hebrew School where I did … [Read more…]

Happy 4th Birthday My Little Boy!

Baby Boy, Today you turn 4.  You have been out of our house for over a year now.  It’s been over a year since I saw your smile with your dimples.  It’s been over year since I heard your toddler voice say, “It’s a Mommy!” when you saw me come down the stairs in the … [Read more…]

The Break…

My breathing labored, I can see my fists clenched, the muscles so tense, it’s coming.  I knew it was coming the night before, but I had to go into work, I had important things that needed to be done, I had a deadline.  Yet, here I was, sitting in my cubicle, completely breaking down, shedding … [Read more…]

The Summer Breeze…

This past weekend I attended a Mental Health First Aid course and am proud to say I am now certified.  We were deeply educated in the topic of Suicide and Self-Injury as that was one of the most cautious illnesses to deal with.  During the focus on suicide, several things started to swirl into my … [Read more…]