Sound Meditation: Am I In That 1%?

I seem to be a star pupil when it comes to EMDR therapy, so much so that we have taken a break from it and returned to CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy).  In other words, I am back to what I would like to call normal therapy.  My therapist, after months of reprocessing certain devastating memories… … [Read more…]

Is Depression an Illness?…

At first when I read this article, “Is Depression an Illness? Or Part of the Human Condition?”, yesterday it was kind of ironic.  I had just posed the question to my therapist on Monday of can Depression be cured since it is labeled a disorder?  His summation of the question led to the theory that professionals … [Read more…]

Team Work?!…

I never had a Psychiatrist I loved.  Heck, I never had one I liked.  Honestly, my relationships with my Psychiatrists these last 20+ years don’t even measure up to an “acquaintance” standard.  They are short, sometimes snippy, and barely lift their eyes off their laptop to make eye contact.  These doctors that control what medications … [Read more…]

I Was Alone…

I woke up this morning with snippets of Canadian singer Bryan Adams’ song How Do Ya Feel Tonight? in my head (I’m a child of the 80s and yes, I like Bryan Adams)… “is there anybody out there?anyone that’s loved in vainanyone that feels the same…” “is there anybody out there? anyone that can’t explainanyone … [Read more…]

Thank you J!…

I was six, she was four.  We met through a mutual friend whose age fell between us.  Quickly, we became Besties or whatever the 1980s equivalent was.  I was the older sister she didn’t have and she was the younger sister I didn’t have.  We played with Cabbage Patch Kids, Baby Dolls, Doll Houses and … [Read more…]

EMDR, The Room, & My Inner Bitch…

How many of us can admit that we are our own worst enemy?  That we judge ourselves more than we judge others?  That we self-loathe, self hate, self deteriorate?  Everyone who suffers from Depression can answer these questions with a blunt, “ME, I do!”  This part that harshly judges me, I’ve dubbed my Inner Bitch … [Read more…]

Strength…

I used to be strong.  I was strong physically.  I was strong mentally.  I was strong emotionally.  When I was all these things I was Super Stephanie, a woman who exuded self confidence, who inspired people to become the best versions of themselves because I, I was the best version of myself.  I was a … [Read more…]

Not One Smile…

For the last month or two during EMDR therapy, my therapist has tried very hard to penetrate the rock-like protection I keep around my postpartum memories.  These memories were so deeply buried that the strongest jackhammer wasn’t getting to them.  We had made brief success by making me realize I need to have compassion for … [Read more…]

Sophia Scared…

At age six, I brought my daughter in to her Pediatrician for her yearly physical.  This was not the first year that the doctors questioned me about her hysterics when they would get within two feet from her.  I kept telling myself, that is normal child behavior, most kids are scared of the doctor.  Age … [Read more…]

Second Chances…

Last night I had a dream. It started with myself interviewing for some new job in Manhattan.  I was dressed up in a flowy top with black dress pants and black shoes.  I was like a child who has come to NYC for the first time and in such awe with the size of the … [Read more…]