My “Attachment” Disorder…

I have had the same therapist for years… over a decade.  He has seen many other of my family members and it was only natural for me to start seeing him.  For years he has been promoting exercise as an antidepressant.  I do not disagree with him and within a couple of years of him preaching this, I finally stepped out of my comfort zone of doing nothing and started to hike.  Money was an issue so I needed an activity that would be of minimal expense.  In the beginning, hiking only required me to have shoes.  Since then, this hobby has cost a bit more with hiking boots, hydration pack, night light, etc.

I’ve been a huge excuse maker in the past and as I was enjoying the outdoors three seasons of the year there was that daunting season of Winter I needed to deal with.  I came up with every excuse. 

“It’s too cold.”
“I don’t have a warm enough coat.”
“It’s snowing.”
“It gets dark too early.”
“It’s too cold.” (Did I say that already?)

Once again, after about a year of my therapist suggesting snowshoeing, I finally got a pair.  My husband bought them for me for Christmas one year too far back for me to remember.  I placed my shoed feet in them, pulled the straps tight and showed him how well they fit.  Then I took them off and waited for snow.  Snow fell within a few days.  I stared at the shoes and trekking poles that came with them and my low self esteem kicked in:

“I’m going to look like an idiot.”

It was a year before I finally went to the local park and strapped them on.  This was when my “Attachment” disorder started… with my trekking poles!  They are my hiking Besties.  These poles came as a set with my Yukon Charlie snowshoes and I haven’t been able to part with them.  I use them for snowshoeing switching out the baskets depending on whether the snow was fluffy or there was a layer of crusty ice on it.

When the snow melted, these poles traveled with me on all my hiking excursions.  I never left them behind.  They are a security blanket for me out on the trails.  And then, one of the tips cracked and broke off.  I was devastated, trying to hike high elevated trails with one pole.  I even went through suggesting other poles to my husband as a present.  Inside my heart was breaking.  These are my first set of trekking poles and I was very much attached to them.  I really didn’t want any new poles.  I wanted these.

I tried plumbers tape first.  I took them out for a winter hike.  The tip fell off again.  Luckily, I was able to find it and stick it in my pocket.  I thought for a bit.  Then it hit me… Crazy Glue!  I crazy glued the tip and crossed my fingers.  It has been about 18 months since that happened and I am thrilled to announce the Crazy Glue is still holding.  I am still hiking with my first born trekking poles.  Sure the paint is nicked all over and the height arrows are almost gone from view, but they are mine.

There of course have been certain circumstances where I could not take my trekking poles with me… Alaska last year.  We weren’t checking luggage and it would be deemed a weapon.  Yes, this did affect me.  Niagara Falls this summer.  I didn’t think I would need them nor did I think I would actually get to hike.  Turned out I was wrong.  I missed them.

My attachment to them is still there.  I am not sure why I feel so strongly about a pair of metal sticks.  I think I am so drawn to them because these items were there when I got pulled out of my funk so many years ago.  These poles are with me when I hike or snowshoe and am rejuvenated from it.  These poles encompass a world of happiness for me I don’t want to lose.  These poles remind me of a stronger me.

My “Attachment” Disorder up at Mootry Peak

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