Delusional…

Imagine lying in bed at night… your eyes, although they feel slightly heavy, are wide open.  Your brain is unable to put itself into sleep mode.  Your building up frustration as this is the 4th… no maybe 5th night you can’t fall asleep.  Tears are now falling down your cheeks because all you want to … [Read more…]

Grateful…

As the Thanksgiving holiday passes and we all take time to think about what we are grateful for, who we are grateful for, I am reminded that being grateful has a whole other meaning when talking with anyone who has a Mental Illness. Sure, I am extremely grateful for my beautiful, caring, intelligent daughter.  I … [Read more…]

The Death Of Evan William…

A little boy around age 5… straight medium brown hair bordering on chestnut in color.  Wide blue eyes eager to learn.  When he smiles, you can see dimples in both cheeks, rosy in color as he plays with leaves on a brisk autumn day.  He’s wearing blue jeans with a red and black plaid shirt … [Read more…]

Hitting A Wall…

It’s Wednesday.  I’m back at work following a whirlwind business trip that had me awake at 6am on Monday and back at home by 4pm Tuesday.  There were flights, driving, appointments all in the midst of those 36 hours that right now seems like a bowl of mush sloshing around in my head.  I can … [Read more…]

I’m Trapped…

Five days a week I am good.  Some of those days are better than others, some worse.  All of them end poorly, they end at my house.  My house, a place that use to provide safety and comfort, is now a place I hate being in.  It is a place where my Anxiety hangs out, … [Read more…]

Ticking…

I am sitting here… antsy, ants in my pants.  Internally shaking.  I know it is coming, but I don’t know when.  The ticking time bomb inside of me.  When will this geyser blow?  When will I have a complete mental breakdown?  I can feel it, feel the bubbling within.  I’m writhing in my chair.  I … [Read more…]

Spark In The Darkness…

I remember last year clearly.  How could I forget?  Facebook likes to remind me daily what occurred this day over the last few years.  I did not need the help of the magical Facebook fairies to tell me what day T moved in with us.  It was a Sunday, October 26th, 2014.  Overcast but warm … [Read more…]

Reflections Of My Daughter… Take 2

Because I am human and accidentally erased the text and then deleted the “Reflections Of My Daughter” post from a couple of weeks ago, I am going to try to organize my thoughts again… ————————————————————————————————————————– 9 years old and full of compassion, love, humor and sass.  You are an amazing child.  When I was pregnant … [Read more…]

I Abandoned My Children…

At the request of my psychiatrist, I have started an alternative form of therapy called EMDR therapy.  In a upcoming post I plan on explaining EMDR further and if I see any positive outcomes from it.  For now, the therapist and I have only completed my intake and documented that my eyes can indeed follow … [Read more…]

It Finally Happened…

It finally happened… a day I haven’t seen in awhile even though I have been suffering from this sixth episode of Depression for almost a year.  I can’t even remember the last time this day occurred, but today it did… the day I couldn’t get out of bed. I couldn’t get up.  I didn’t want … [Read more…]