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I do not like being dependent on a little pill.  I like being in control of everything.  I’m an Alpha personality, something I didn’t realize until in the hospital for Postpartum Depression.  I have perfection tendencies.  Both these things are extremely damaging to my psyche.  After Sophia was born, it took years in therapy to … [Read more…]

I’m having a rough day and am unsure why.  There has been no triggering factor.  I just woke up feeling undeserving of love, once again beating myself up.  It inspired a little poetry writing which has been dormant for over a decade Under Your Spellby: Stephanie Paige Fake smiles, forced grin,Hides the Depression within,Rapid breaths, … [Read more…]

I wasn’t planning on writing a blog post today as I’ve been okay, really I have.  At least, I think I have… My place of employment is having a food and diaper drive this month.  I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to finally get rid of all the diapers and toddler food we … [Read more…]

Triggers… We all have something in our lives that will cause stress, tension, anxiety… What happens when your biggest trigger are the people you love the most, your child(ren)?  What happens when looking at them makes you want to vomit?  What happens when even hearing them suffer from a cold makes you want to physically … [Read more…]

I used to think I carried around this never ending guilty feeling because of the stereotype about Jewish moms and guilt.  I have thought about the guilt so much and have read enough articles concerning Depression lately to know that this guilt is not because I’m Jewish but in turn because I am Depressed.  This … [Read more…]

I should’ve titled this, “Petrified, In Need of Confidence”! Last year after one of my good friends published her first book I started to think about writing myself.  I had a remarkable talent for it when I was younger.  I was actually in Creative Writing Talent at my Junior High, had a poem published in … [Read more…]

My Little Boy, Today you turn 3.  I used to dwell on all the things that went wrong, blaming myself for everything and ultimately living in the past.  But, beating myself up is not something that should be done on a happy occasion such as your 3rd Birthday.  Instead, I am going to think of … [Read more…]

I’ve just read this great blog entry from the Project Helping Founder and CEO.  Everything he wrote in it was so familiar it was absolutely scary. Here is the blog post.  I encourage you to read it: Running From Myself  http://www.elephantjournal.com/2015/03/running-from-myself/ The premise of the blog post is the constant battle he had between his … [Read more…]

Last night I had a dream.  Actually, I was deep into this dream when my alarm clock went off at 7am this morning… …Wake up, don’t sleep your life away… Normally, I will gladly wake up but today I didn’t want to get out of bed.  I didn’t want to leave the dream.  In the … [Read more…]

I’ve come to the realization that when suffering from Depression I become The Thinker.  My mind races between a million different thoughts… … Did I pack my lunch? What do I do if I didn’t?… … Did I pack Sophia’s lunch? Oh my god, what if I didn’t? What is she going to do?… … … [Read more…]