For as long as I could remember, I always wanted to be a mother. I was drawn to my friends’ younger siblings. I loved to coo at babies I saw. I even transformed the bottom of my tiny closet into a “crib” for my two baby dolls. I couldn’t wait to feel that love, a … [Read more…]
I had a son. When I met him, he was barely 2 1/2 years old with an adjusted age of about eighteen months. All I saw were his deep dark sienna eyes and his messy brown-black hair. I had a son. He was all mine from the first day I saw him anxious to give … [Read more…]
I’m sitting in silence rocking slightly back and forth. I’ve been threatened and my survival instincts are kicking in. Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. I am stuck… in my cubicle at work. My stomach is repulsed by food and if I didn’t force myself not to, I would vomit anything that was in it. … [Read more…]
We all have that one relative, that one person we are required to love because they are family. The one who invites themselves over without an invitation. The one that hoards leftovers to take home without being offered. And, we deal with them. We put up with them because they are related to us and … [Read more…]
I’ve heard this so many times. I am not coughing. I am not sneezing. I am not complaining of chills. I am not home ‘sick’ in the term that I have the flu and need to be in bed. I would not spread my illness if I came into work. I would not pass germs … [Read more…]
Fireworks enchant me. The brilliant colors of light that blast in the night sky, not knowing exactly which direction they will burst, what beautiful hues will show, and exactly how loud they will be. I was always mesmerized by them. A beautiful man made project dancing with physics come together cohesively to create these sky … [Read more…]
For as long as I can remember, the words “Fat Free” were a part of my everyday vocabulary. I am not sure when the switch to fat free milk was made in my house but I don’t remember any other kind as a child. It was in my elementary school years where cookies became bad, … [Read more…]
My blog has been active for over a year now. I have written about many aspects of Mental Illness, mostly focusing on my own experiences. I have reviewed articles and written about recent horrific tragedies. I have included brief excerpts from my upcoming memoir. I have thought a lot about things I post. I want … [Read more…]
When I close my eyes, I am being pulled deep underwater, my leg in the clenches of an alligator’s tightly gripped mouth. I am screaming, wailing, crying for help, clueless of what is going on. I am waiting to be saved by my Mommy and Daddy, waiting to see their faces and feel their warm embrace. … [Read more…]
My daughter was born on a typical fall day. Labor and Delivery, although somewhat long, was a great experience as were the first 2 weeks of her life. I was the doting and glowing new mom. I held her, cuddled with her, kissed her constantly. I loved changing her stinky poop diapers and I … [Read more…]
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